


This Fragile Thing

by peripety



Category: Vanished (TV 2006)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:08:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peripety/pseuds/peripety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>F.B.I. Agent Graham Kelton (Gale Harold, Vanished) is called to Chicago to investigate the case of a missing teenager. During his investigation he encounters Sean (Randy Harrison, Bang Bang You're Dead) a young man with a troubled past who knew the missing boy on-line. Sean helps Kelton solve the boy’s disappearance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Такое хрупкое](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4497375) by [2sven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2sven/pseuds/2sven)



> Timeline: The story is set a few years before the events that occur in the TV series “Vanished” and a few years after the events that occur in the TV movie “Bang Bang You’re Dead. I took some liberty in the development of Sean’s character – in BBYD he isn’t even given a last name, and I also added an underlying reason for his violent acts which is never spelled out in the movie. I would say this fic is not spoilerish for Vanished, but it is for BBYD as the events from the tv-movie are discussed.
> 
> You do not have to have seen either Vanished or Bang Bang You're Dead in order to follow this story.

Sean looked up when the bell on the shop door jangled.

And froze, his whole body going still and tight.

He had never seen the guy entering _Gamesters, Inc._ before, but something about the way the tall, rumple-suited guy carried himself immediately screamed _**COP!**_ at Sean. He tensed, his hand clenching as it rested on the countertop and he resisted the instinctive but stupid urge to run as far and fast as he could…which made no sense, as he hadn’t been in trouble with the law in a long time. But he had learned long ago – and learned well – that cops and Sean Millen just didn’t mix.

It took some effort but Sean asked with a calm voice, “Can I help you?” as if his heart wasn’t hammering in his chest as he wondered what had brought the law into his shop.

Graham Kelton stepped into the tiny store shaking rain droplets from this hair and shoulders. The kid sitting behind the counter was undoubtedly Sean Millen though, _“kid”_ didn’t quite apply – Millen was twenty-two, now, according to the notes Kelton had been given. He didn’t much resemble the mugshot he’d been given, either. Facial shape was the same, and the sullen wariness of those narrow pale eyes, and the full, broad pout of a mouth. But the young man in front of him had hair that fell dark honey-blond across his pale forehead instead of being spiky and short-cropped. No dark bruises smudged his cheek and chin. His eyes weren’t puffy with the tears of a scared shitless sixteen-year-old kid. _Twenty-two,_ Kelton thought, _and one pretty-boy, lucky son of a bitch to not be serving some hard time for the tragedy he’d almost unleashed on his schoolmates._

“Sean Millen?” Kelton posed the question walking towards the counter. “I’m Agent Graham Kelton. I need to ask you some questions.”

“F.B.I?” Sean said, startled, when he looked at the I.D. Kelton held out to him. His eyes widened as he wondered what the fuck the F.B.I could want with him. When he’d first thought “cop” he’d expected a hassle about sales of mature games to minors or something, but the feds wouldn’t be here about something like that. “Uh…sure.”

Kelton might have suggested going somewhere where they wouldn’t be interrupted, but there was no one in the store and given the gloom of the rainy day it was likely to stay that way. He studied Sean Millen silently for a moment.

“We buy all our stock from authorized reps,” Sean hazarded, taking a stab at the reason why Kelton was here at _Gamester._

A brow quirked up on Kelton’s face. “I’m sure. You also run a website.”

“Um, yes, that’s right. Well, I used to. I gave it up about a year ago, and it’s run by a Gay and Lesbian Advocacy organization now . I still post there, but mostly stuff on the message board, now,” Sean nodded, wary and puzzled. He had initially begun the Some Boys site as a place where he hoped he could connect with and perhaps keep some other desperate kid from taking the same dark road he’d traveled down. The site was part advocacy, part support, and strongly anti-violence. It was, perhaps, a far cry from what his high-school tormentors might have expected from him. But Sean had come a long way from that dark, wounded kid who had used anger and violence to feel alive and in control; who believed a gun in his hand was his only option to gain respect…and end the pain.

“My P.O. knew all about it when I started it,” Sean said, making sure the agent knew that Sean's Parole Officer had known about the site.

“I’ve already talked to him,” Kelton confirmed. “Now I need to ask you some questions about Jeremy Welles.” As Sean looked puzzled Kelton added. “DH9060. He posts quite a lot there, too.”

“DH, yeah,” Sean nodded, recognizing the on-line name as soon as Kelton supplied it. “Sorry. I didn’t know his real name. Yeah, DH is a regular, but I haven’t seen him on the board in a few weeks, I think. Why? Is he in trouble?” DH was one of those kids that reminded Sean of himself, and Sean had had some long chats with him about what it was like to be gay in high school hiding what he was, without support from either friends of family, rage building, teetering on the edge of striking out and majorly fucking up his life and those around him.

“He’s missing.” Kelton’s eyes closely observed Sean’s reactions, trained to notice the tiniest clue.

“Missing? He’s run away?” Sean’s look was puzzled.

“No, we don't think he's a runaway. We think he may be with someone, possibly someone who met him on-line.”

There was a heart-beat length pause, then, “Me?” Sean nearly squeaked, his voice going up a register and that brought an entirely unexpected smile to the sensual mouth of Agent Kelton. _Damnit, why are you noticing something like that?_ Sean berated himself at the same time his wariness increased. He knew he had absolutely nothing to do with this kid, but his prior experiences with the law hadn’t exactly left him with the warm fuzzies for law enforcement personnel. He forced his instinctive hostility down and listened warily to what else Kelton had to say.

“No, not you, Sean,” Graham Kelton replied, still with a hint of that smile on his mouth. “But he might be with someone else he connected with on the message board. About eight months ago another young boy went missing. When we compared some similarities between the two cases your site came up on both.”

“I don’t really know DH other than from the message board. We might have IM’d a couple of times, but I’m not sure I can help.”

“I’m not, either, but that’s the reason we’re talking, to see what we come up with. Do you recognize him?” Kelton handed over a 5x7 photo of a moody looking kid with dark hair and sad eyes. Sean stared at it, giving it the attention it was due, but didn’t think he’d ever seen the kid before.

“No, I don’t recognize him,” Sean said, handing the photo back. “I get a lot of kids in here, of course, but he doesn’t look familiar to me. “Is he local?”

“No, he’s from Wisconsin, which is why we’re involved so early on. We have some evidence he may have crossed state lines here into Illinois,” Kelton explained. “Sean, we’ll need to go over your laptop, too.”

“What? You can’t have my laptop,” Sean frowned, forcing back an instinctive and even more hostile response. He relied on his laptop for so much that the last thing he wanted was to give up.

“This says I can,” Kelton responded, drawing out a search warrant from his suit jacket and laying it on the counter. “Can you shut it down, please?”

“Look, you can’t do this. It’s violating my privacy. Ad DH’s, too.” Sean protested his hands spread as if protectively across the keyboard. “The kids who post on the message boards don’t have anyone else to talk to. It’s a place they can talk safely. You can’t just--“

“What I can do, Sean, is everything in my power to find Jeremy,” Kelton overrode Sean’s protest and the glare from his pale blue eyes. “Shut it down, Sean.”

Sean hated the way Kelton kept using his name, as if he knew him when he didn’t know one fucking thing about him. With movements that were jerky with anger and frustration Sean began logging off his system. “I run my business on this, Agent Kelton. I need it back as soon as possible.”

“We’ll get it back to you as soon as we can,” Kelton said, but knowing if they discovered anything pertinent it could be a good long while before Sean Millen had his laptop back again. “Now, can you tell me if there have been any new posters at the message board that have stood out as either threatening or…disturbing in anyway?” Kelton questioned, remaining impassive while watching Sean’s movements and sensing his anger.

Sean looked up and gave Kelton a sneering smile. “It’s a gay and lesbian site. You don’t think we get the hate groups and crazy religious zealots wanting to kill us? Or save us and then kill us?”

“Sean, I need you to calm down and think-“

“And stop calling me _Sean_ like you know me. You don’t know a fucking thing about me,” he snapped as he closed the laptop and shoved it angrily towards Kelton.

The F.B.I agent’s face remained impassive for a moment before he replied. “Sean Millen. Age twenty-two. At sixteen, with your friends, you hatched a plot to attack your high school classmates. You were stopped at the school with weapons in your possession when one of your…friends…got smart and intervened before the shooting started. Got lucky with a liberal judge and a sympathetic court system when videotaped evidence documenting the extreme and systematic abuse you and the others had experienced came out. Sentenced as a juvenile and served one year at a minimum security facility following your release from juvenile detention. Started your Some Boys website purportedly as a way to prevent similar incidences; later sold the site and used the capital to buy into a video game business. Did I leave anything out?”

Sean gave Kelton a look of intense dislike as the man finished the all-too-neat biography. They were the facts, yes, but in Sean’s eyes they didn’t tell “his” story. “Like I said, you don’t know anything about me.”

“I know I can drag your ass down to my office until you decide to answer my questions,” Kelton said with an iron-hard look. “So calm the fuck down and think.” He added deliberately, _“Sean.”_

Sean pulled his fingers through his hair, working hard to grasp onto the internal _calm_ Kelton suggested. It had been a long time since he’d lost his temper. Over the years he’d worked hard to overcome the rage and frustration that had eaten at him like cancer when he was young, and it disturbed him that he had let this man – a cop, no less – rile him back into feeling those things.

His voice was low and tense, but he answered as best as he could. “I was serious when I said we get a lot of crazies at the site.“

“Maybe it’s not just the crazies we should look at,” Kelton suggested. “Maybe it’s someone who offered sympathy and lured Jeremy into a relationship.”

Sean frowned. “You mean like a cyber predator,” he said, clarity coming, and Kelton nodded in answer. It was a chilling concept to him as he realized what type of person Kelton was looking for. _Teens could be so vulnerable, especially ones desperate for understanding, like DH –_ Jeremy, Sean mentally corrected, giving the missing boy with the moody frown a name.

“Honestly, off the top of my head, there isn’t anyone who comes to mind. There are four of us who sort of work as the counselors on the site – I’m sure you’re checking on the others,” Sean looked at Kelton but he didn’t respond. “But I promise you I’ll think about anything that felt…off, or out of the ordinary, that I can remember. That’s about the best I can do.” His voice was calm, the momentary rage burned away leaving him feeling tired. He knew if there was someone out there using the site to prey on the young and the desperate it couldn’t be ignored. Kelton was right about that. He puffed out a sigh. “I do want to help you find him, if I can.” He pushed the laptop towards Kelton without the anger of his movements before.

The agent nodded after observing Sean for another moment as if to gauge his sincerity. “Thanks. Call me if you think of anything,” Kelton said, handing Sean his card. He picked up the laptop and a moment later was ducking out of the shop and into the rain.

Sean stared after him, vaguely aware of the quiet familiar sounds of the shop around him and a tension in his blood he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. He looked up at the ceiling, as if seeking for the higher power he sometimes thought was up there, usually laughing at him. His heart was beating hard in his chest sending pulses of heated blood shimmering through his veins. It made him feel alive, angry, _aware._ His voice hinted at both laughter and sadness as he spoke out loud into the silence.

“You send me the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life. And then you make him a cop. And straight. And married. Fuck.”


	2. 2

Sean didn’t see or hear from Kelton for nearly a week and then, out of the blue, there the man was, invading his life again. Sean was sitting at a table in the corner of the bar he usually chose for an after work drink when he looked up and saw Kelton ordering at the bar. For a moment Sean simply stared, mouth dry, caught up as desire flared with potent heat through his bloodstream. He’d dreamed about the guy, for fuck’s sake, _dreamed_ about the _cop_ with the hazel-brown eyes and beautiful mouth. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ Sean berated himself, but that didn’t change the fact that Agent Graham Kelton was the most gorgeous guy he’d ever seen in his life.

As if the intensity of Sean’s gaze had the strength to pull his attention to it, Kelton turned his head and looked straight at Sean as he sat at a table near the back with a hand curled around his bottle of rapidly warming beer.

Blinking his eyes and trying to still the rapid race of his heart, Sean watched as Kelton grabbed first one, and then a second bottle of beer the bartender set before him and headed straight for him. Like the first time he’d seen Kelton Sean had the urge to run, but this time it was for an entirely different reason. The first time it had been because Kelton was a cop and this time it was because Kelton was more beautiful than a straight guy had a right to be. But the last thing Sean was was a coward so he stayed where he was, meeting Kelton’s gaze as he slid into the chair opposite and set one of the bottles in front of Sean.

“Sean.” Sean got the feeling Kelton used his name deliberately, as if remembering how using it had irritated Sean at the shop. The light was dim in the bar so Sean couldn’t be absolutely sure he saw a hint of laughter lurking in the man’s eyes, but he was pretty sure he did and fought back both laughter and irritation of his own. When Sean only stared, not responding, Kelton went on, “I was going to call you. I think our techs are finishing up with your laptop and if we can get it back to you we will.”

“Thank you.”

Kelton ignored the sarcasm Sean infused into the two simple words. “I’m going to have a few more questions for you now we’ve been through it.”

“I can’t wait.”

Now Kelton did smile, and Sean wished he hadn’t. It transformed the brooding handsomeness into something even more spectacular. It wasn’t fair. Or right. Or easy to resist. “You hate all cops, Sean, or me in particular?”

Reluctantly the corners of Sean’s mouth twitched upwards. “Ex-cons have a hard time with anyone with a badge, I guess.”

“Is that how you think of yourself? As an ex-con?”

Sean shrugged. “It’s how the world thinks of me. And always will.”

“And you don’t think that’s fair?”

“Life isn’t fucking fair, Kelton, I’ve known that almost since the day I was born. But what I did – what I _nearly_ did – is only a part of who I am or even what I’ll become in my life.” _Or so his therapist kept telling him._

“What you _nearly did_ sends chills up any parent’s spine.”

“And you think I don’t thank God every day that Trevor Adams stopped me from killing anyone?” Sean demanded, finally reacting to Kelton, leaning forward and speaking with passionate intensity. His eyes locked with Kelton’s. “Because I do. I thank God every night when I close my eyes that I don’t have to see the faces of the dead in my dreams. And that I didn’t end up dead, too, because that’s what nearly happened, at the end.” He stared into Kelton’s hazel eyes but in his head he was remembering how it felt to press the cold barrel of the gun to his temple with his finger sure on the trigger, just a blink of an eye away from ending it all. A brief, involuntary shudder coursed through him as he remembered Trevor yanking the gun away a split second before he could squeeze the trigger and splatter his brains all over the high school corridor. That moment would stay with him forever.

Kelton’s eyes remained focused on Sean before he spoke in a quiet, almost assessing voice. “Most people would wonder how you got to that point, where killing – and dying – seemed the only solution.”

“Most people don’t deal with knowing they’ll always be called queer whether they own up to it or not. Most people don’t get the shit kicked out of them by their old man because of that, and then go to school to get more of the same from the jocks.” Maybe, Sean thought bitterly, Kelton would like to hear how the beatings had stopped when his father abandoned them, leaving Sean’s mother to blame him for that and every other lousy break that came their way from then on; but instead he let his eyes travel over Kelton’s lean but strong frame trying to look critical and sneering but he wasn’t sure he succeeded. “We weren’t all football jocks banging the head cheerleader and carrying a 4.0.”

“If you mean me, it was baseball, actually,” Kelton said, smiling that unfairly beautiful smile again, “and it wasn’t a cheerleader, and it was a 3.8. Aren’t you leaping to conclusions about me in the same way you think I’m doing with you?”

Sean merely shrugged as if he was certain he wasn’t, but also wasn’t interested in defending his stance to anyone, and to Kelton in particular. “Am I?”

Instead of answering, Kelton took a sip of his beer. He sent a glance around the bar and changed the subject, observing, “This isn’t the hangout I would have expected you to have.”

Sean sent a similar look around the room. Gallagher’s was a working man’s bar, a place locals frequented and out-of-towners rarely found their way into. “You mean instead of one of the gay bars on North Halsted?” he asked with a twist to his mouth, thinking Kelton was trying to figure how to get him inside the box that in Kelton’s mind was probably neatly labeled ‘gay’

It was Kelton’s turn to shrug his shoulders under the drape of the dark navy shirt he wore. He’d dropped his suit jacket over the back of his chair when he’d joined Sean. “Isn’t that what brought you to Boystown?” he asked. Chicago’s gay community was a strong and thriving one and it wasn’t surprising that someone like Sean who had spent his childhood in a desperate search for acceptance would choose a community like this one to settle in.

“I like this place,” Sean said of the bar, a little surprised at himself for being willing to respond with honesty to Kelton. “I came in here because I wasn’t looking for a crowd or a pick up. Just a quiet drink before heading home. What about you? What brought you in here?”

“We’ve been checking Boystown today and I just stopped in for a drink before heading back home, or in my case back to my hotel. Just like you’re doing.”

“Thought you’d miss the queers in here?” he asked with a familiar flare-up of bitterness against straight guys, and cops, in particular.

“I’m not a homophobe, Sean,” Kelton stated quietly with a direct and level stare. Sean found himself dropping his eyes after a moment.

“Sorry,” Sean muttered, giving Kelton an uncharacteristic apology, knowing he’d responded based on past memories and not from the reality of the moment. “Guess I still feel…”

“Wounded, sometimes?”

Sean looked up quickly at the word Kelton chose to use, wincing a little. If it was a guess, it was one that hit on target. Kelton disturbed him, made him feel unsure and uncertain about what he was feeling. But Sean wasn’t ready to run and let Kelton think he could reach him with a few shrewd words. So he summoned up the bravado that had gotten him through high school, through juvie, and even through his year in prison, and stayed where he was.

“So, any leads in finding DH – Jeremy?” Sean changed the subject, and it almost seemed for a moment to him that Kelton was looking at his mouth and his heart gave a strange little kick in his chest before he shook off the stupid thought.

“We do have a few leads we’re following up on,” Kelton nodded. He didn’t mention the sense of almost sick urgency he felt with every passing day. If Jeremy Welles was in the hands of a predator every day, hell, every hour was important.

Sean picked up the beer Kelton had supplied, pretending to himself that he was lingering out of interest for the missing boy. That it had nothing to do with his unwilling fascination with the man sitting across from him. “I’ve been trying to pay attention to anything I see on the Some Boys site that looks suspicious but I haven’t come across anything,” he told Kelton. The ancient PC he was forced to use in the absence of his laptop made even logging on a time-consuming event, but it was his only back-up while the F.B.I had his equipment.

“Yeah, I was told that it’s been pretty quiet according to the Agent monitoring the site for our team,” Kelton agreed then astonished Sean by adding in a bland tone, “Except for RabidDog66. He’s apparently got the hots for you.”

Sean choked on his beer. _“What?”_ Was Kelton _teasing_ him?

Kelton didn’t try and hide his grin. “Or so I’m told.”

“Jesus! Rabs doesn’t – he’s only looking for someone to listen to him while he works out some shit. Fuck!” Sean fought laughter and annoyance, equally, sensing that Kelton was putting him on. But at the same time Sean had an instinctive uneasiness knowing that cops, his nemeses, were tracking the site – and him – not to mention picking up on nuances like that, real or imagined.

“You’re a great communicator, Sean. A leader, even,” Kelton acknowledged, a smile still lightly shaping his mouth. “That’s what brings kids like Jeremy Welles to your site.”

Kelton’s comment touched an unintended nerve. _A leader. What a laugh,_ thought Sean. The last kids he’d led had made a deadly pact with him – a three-bullet pact. One for each of them, Sean recalled bleakly, unaware of how his thoughts were reflected on his face for all the world to see, let alone one hyper-observant cop; which meant Sean was even more unnerved when Kelton seemed to read his thoughts.

“Is that why you connect with people on-line instead of face-to-face these days, Sean? So no one will know who you are? Or were?”

 _Christ, would it always come back to that cold afternoon at Rivervale High…?_ Sean wondered, staring blankly at Kelton’s keenly observant face. His guts twisted, as if he already knew the inescapable answer to that question.

“I’ve got to go.” Needing to get away from the memories Kelton was stirring up Sean abruptly surged to his feet.

“Wait.” Kelton, too, stood up, the movement bringing him unexpectedly close to Sean. “When will be a good time for you to go over my questions? Is tomorrow possible?”

Finding himself in such close proximity to Kelton did disturbing things to Sean’s equilibrium. His whole body buzzed like he was standing next to an open electric current. And if it had been anyone else Sean would have sworn the move to bring them together was deliberate and that the look Kelton was giving him from those mossy eyes was filled with a similar awareness.

“I don’t –“ Sean began, then stopped to pull in a ragged breath trying to settle himself down and rein in his wildly improbable thoughts. “I should be able to get someone to cover the store for a few hours tomorrow,” he agreed, feeling almost lightheaded as the heat of Kelton’s body radiated against his.

“Good. Tomorrow at my office. Ten sharp.” Kelton confirmed once they’d negotiated a time. Never once did his eyes leave Sean’s face.

“Okay. Well. G’night.”

“Yeah. Goodnight,” Kelton echoed.

He made no move to let Sean pass and Sean had the weird impression he was looking at his mouth again. Shaking off the disorienting feeling of awareness Sean brushed by Kelton, unable to avoid making contact with the other man’s body as he passed.

“Christ, you’ve got it bad,” Sean muttered to himself as he gained the freedom of the street and a release from his awareness of the F.B.I. agent. A passerby gave Sean a strange look as he spoke to himself, but at the moment Sean felt like he had a lot bigger thing to worry about than talking to himself.

Like how to deal with wanting Graham Kelton so badly he was shaking with it.


	3. Chapter 3

Getting to the F.B.I. headquarters building the following morning wasn’t difficult even if it was off the loop. For Sean, it was finding the courage to walk through the doors and into the glass office building that was hard. Being around cops was a vivid and unwanted reminder of his time spent on the wrong side of the law and, not for the first time, he wished he hadn’t agreed to come in. But since Kelton wasn’t someone who would take no for an answer and would no doubt come looking for him if he didn’t show up, Sean resignedly walked into the building. As he expected, Sean passed through a sophisticated metal detector and then presented his driver’s license and briefly surrendered his cell phone. He was sure the suspicious-looking guard checking his I.D. pulled up a full dossier on his various misdemeanors and felonies, but eventually he was issued a visitor’s pass and taken to the offices that Kelton’s team was currently using.

The agent escorted him to an empty conference room, leaving him alone to wait after telling him Agent Kelton would be with him shortly. It was ten minutes, in fact, before the man showed up, elbowing open the door while carrying two cups of coffee, one of which he set before Sean before fishing some sugar and cream packets from his jacket pocket and dropping them on the table. “Sorry I’m late,” he apologized quickly and to Sean, at least, unexpectedly. “This is Agent Moore,” Kelton introduced the man who’d followed him into the conference room. “He’s the one who’s been going through your laptop.” When Sean opened his mouth to speak Kelton added, as if reading his mind, “Which you’ll be getting back. Soon.”

Sean wanted not to smile at what sounded like an ironic promise, but didn’t quite make it. He accepted the steaming coffee and took a cautious sip without bothering with the cream or sugar. His eyes widened as he watched Kelton open and dump four – _four_ – sugar packets into his cup before drinking it. As lean as Kelton was, the guy had to be using up energy as fast as he could take it in, Sean speculated, surreptitiously watching him. Kelton looked even more tired than he had the night before, was Sean’s next thought; though making another personal and unwanted observation about the man who seemed to be occupying his thoughts with annoying regularity was the last thing Sean wanted to do. The _straight-cop-married_ mantra Sean kept running through his head wasn’t having near its desired effectiveness.

“Dan, you want to start?” Kelton suggested.

“Thanks, Gray,” the other agent nodded and then looked at Sean. “My team has been going through the message board postings looking for anything that we thought might be of interest to the investigation, and your IMs have been pretty helpful too,” he told Sean.

“But I don’t even save most of them,” Sean pointed out but the Bureau’s whizz-kid techie only grinned.

“You’d be surprised what you don’t know you’re saving. Okay, I’d like to start here…”

The next two hours were intense. Sean had expected to answer a few questions, maybe, but instead he found himself being moved around the table to sit next to Agent Moore so he could see the screen of Moore’s laptop. Together they ran down lists of user names and read through what seemed like hundreds of transcripts taken from the message board. Sean found the process disturbing in some ways. It was a public board, yes, but he didn’t find it comfortable to have the law running their fingers through it. Sean was finding that the kids who came to the board searching for answers were important to him in a way he hadn’t perhaps fully realized before this moment. The feeling of protectiveness towards them butted up uncomfortably against this process. He had to keep his cop-antipathy in check by focusing on the purpose behind what they were doing, which was to find a missing kid, possibly in the hands of someone who was abusing him.

Kelton left them to it, occasionally wandering away to answer a call or a query, or else he sat across from them texting on his phone, offering a word or a thought, occasionally, but letting the other agent conduct the interview. Sean felt hyper-aware of his presence every time Kelton _(Gray? Was that what the agent had called him?)_ came around the table to stand behind them and look at the screen over their shoulders. Sean had to force himself to concentrate whenever that happened.

To say that his memory was being tested was an understatement, Sean thought, as he was asked to recall details of conversations or on-line encounters with literally hundreds of posters to theSome Boys message board. When they took a quick break Sean called the shop to let Patrick, his business partner who was covering for him, know he was going to be later than he thought; gladly accepted a second cup of coffee, and settled down to answer more of the agent’s questions.

“Wait. Go back to him,” Sean said after about forty-five minutes as Moore’s fingers on the keys scrolled quickly over a passage.

“Who? Him?” he questioned, quickly scrolling back up.

“No. The guy before. Here. This one.” Sean tapped the screen with his finger. Kelton came over to stand behind them and Sean turned and looked up at him, meeting the intense hazel stare before turning back to the screen. “I remember this guy,” he said thoughtfully.

“Why, what about him?” Kelton leaned down, his hand on the back of Sean’s chair and his voice seemed soft and close to his ear.

“I don’t know,” Sean confessed. He shook his head. “It’s like trying to put feelings into words, you know?” He turned his head to find Kelton’s face close to his own. Too close. He flushed and skittered his gaze quickly away. _Fuck!_ “I mean, he says everything right whenever he posts on the board but it’s almost…” Again he felt frustrated about how best to express himself. “It’s as if he’s too smooth. Too helpful. He hasn’t ever done anything wrong that I know of. I just get the feeling that he’d be willing to, I don’t know, cross the line from impartial sympathy to…something more.” He bit his lower lip. “I feel strange just suggesting he might be doing something wrong when all I’ve got is this feeling. He could be just an ordinary guy, trying to help.”

“Sometimes that’s all we’ve got to go on: a hunch,” Kelton said, and squeezed Sean’s shoulder. The touch made breathing suddenly difficult. Then his hand was gone and Kelton straightened up behind Sean’s chair. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll see if we can track down his IP address and check it out. If he’s got nothing to hide he’ll never even know we were there, right, Dan?”

“Right,” the agent nodded. “I think we’ve only got a few more entries to look at…” The rest of the list was short and within another twenty minutes Agent Moore was logging off his laptop, ready to go back to his office and see what he could track down on the three posters that they’d flagged as worth a second look.

Sean stood up, too, feeling suddenly awkward as he and Kelton were left alone in the interview room. “That it?”

“Yes,” Kelton nodded looking at Sean who was looking anywhere but back at Kelton. “I appreciate you coming in.”

Sean shrugged, still feeling awkward. “I didn’t do much.”

“You never know,”

“So do I get my laptop back now?” Sean had to ask.

“Soon. A few more days, maybe,” Kelton said with a faint smile. “Want me to walk you out?”

Sean finally looked at Kelton with an _are-you-kidding-me?_ twist on his mouth. “I think I can probably find my own way out, Kelton.”

“Gray. Well, Graham, but most people call me Gray,” the man told Sean unexpectedly, making Sean’s eyes widen in surprise. “You could call me Gray if you wanted.”

“I-“ Sean began. “I guess I think of you as _Kelton,”_ he told the man. He felt a stupid, juvenile flush on his cheeks again when Kelton smiled. Sean shifted awkwardly.

“Think about it,” Kelton made the suggestion lightly and pulled open the door of the interview room and let Sean precede him out. They walked to the elevator. “I’ll call if there are any questions, all right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sean agreed feeling flushed and awkward as they waited. “Call me.”

“I will,” Kelton said as Sean stepped into the elevator.

Sean’s eyes remained locked with Kelton’s - _Gray’s_ – until the elevator doors slid closed. And the feeling in Sean’s stomach had nothing to do with the swift downward plunge of the lift and everything to do with the man who with only a touch on his shoulder could make him sweat.

* * *

“You know what your problem is?”

“Do I _want_ to know what my problem is?” Sean asked as he eyed Patrick, his friend and partner in the games store. Patrick had insisted on hearing the whole story of Sean’s trip to F.B.I. headquarters once Sean got back. Since Patrick watched way too many crime dramas on TV he was very disappointed that Sean’s report of the visit was so mundane. That was, at least until Sean slipped up and mentioned Graham Kelton to him.

“Your problem is that you haven’t been laid in waaaaay too long – that’s what’s giving you the hots for this cop,” Patrick told Sean. He shuddered dramatically as if the idea unnerved him. “Straight _and_ a cop.”

“And he wears a wedding ring, too,” Sean added to the list of reasons why Kelton was bad news.

“So…tonight we’re gonna do something about it. You’ve been living like a fucking hermit or something lately. Tonight we hit the clubs,” Patrick declared, grinning.

Sean raised an eyebrow. “What’s Jeff going to think about that?” he asked of Patrick’s current and rather possessive boyfriend.

“Jeff’s history,” Patrick dismissed, waving a tattooed arm. Patrick was a teddy bear in spite of the leather, tats, and scruff he wore like a biker. Like Sean, he’d had some tough times in his past and the two shared a tight bond because of it. “Tonight’s it’s just you and me, baby, and finding some lucky guy for you to take home.”

Several hours and several beers later Sean was relaxed enough to consider that his friend might have been right and the vibrant dance club was just what he’d needed to take his mind off the guy who’d been occupying his thoughts a little too frequently. He’d been dancing almost non-stop _(see? I told you the eyeliner looked hot!)_ came the shout in his ear from Patrick when they passed each other on the way to the bar, making Sean laugh as he was tugged back onto the floor by another _take-me-home_ possibility.

But in the end it was Sean who left the club on his own and Patrick who went off with someone for the night. _My luck,_ Sean thought wryly, though he knew, deep down, that the offers he _had_ turned down on the dance floor were ones he perhaps wouldn’t have if someone else wasn’t already occupying his thoughts. _Which makes you pathetic,_ Sean told himself ruefully as he wove through the crowd and out of the club. Once out on the still-busy street Sean paused to light a cigarette. Although nearly midnight it was only marginally cooler outside than it had been in the club but the breeze felt good against his skin and he stood still to enjoy it, taking a deep drag.

“Love the eyeliner on you, Sean.”

Sean almost jumped out of his skin when a soft voice spoke very near his ear. He twisted around, wide-eyed, wondering for a split second if his subconscious had somehow managed to conjure up an image of Kelton to tease him with before accepting the fact that Kelton was real, standing in front of him outside one of the hottest gay dance clubs on the street.

“What are you doing here?” Sean asked and even to himself his tone had an almost belligerent edge to it, and it wasn’t surprising that Kelton’s brows rose when he heard it.

“Working a lead,” Kelton said evenly not responding to Sean’s tone. Sean noted that in deference to the warmth of the muggy night the man had taken off his suit jacket and tie and the top two buttons of his dress shirt were undone, looking less like a cop and more like an average guy stopping by the clubs straight from work. And he also noticed the appreciative side-long glances Kelton was getting from the guys passing them on their way in and out of the club. Not that he could blame them for looking when he couldn’t stop himself from doing the very same thing.

“Relax, I’m not stalking you, I promise,” Kelton assured with an almost teasing note in his voice. His eyes slid slowly over Sean from head to toe. “You’ve got something – there –“ Sean froze as Kelton’s hand came out and he ruffled his fingers through the dark-honey blond strands of Sean’s hair, sending a mini-shower of glitter raining over Sean’s shoulders.

Sean forgot to breathe as Kelton touched him, but finally managed to say, “If you’re not stalking me then why do I see you every time I turn around?” when the concept of inhale/exhale came back to him. He meant to infuse his words with accusation but instead they sounded like he was saying maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Coincidence?” Kelton suggested with a quirk of an eyebrow. His hand dropped from Sean’s hair to his shoulder to brush away the shiny glitter, fingertips encountering, and then lingering, against the blonde’s throat.

Sean’s entire body reacted to Kelton’s fingers against his skin. “You – shouldn’t do that.” Sean’s words came out low and intense and his cigarette fell unnoticed from his fingers as Kelton continued to touch him. Their eyes locked together, Kelton’s face illuminated by the blue light from the neon sign in front of the club, and Sean knew Kelton understood what he meant about the touch when Kelton’s face turned almost angry at his words. The fingers that had been barely touching him were suddenly wrapped tightly around the nape of his neck.

“Christ! You think I don’t fucking know that?” Kelton spat out, moving until he was in-your-face close to Sean, looming over him.

Watching Kelton abruptly lose his detached and cool façade was a startling thing to witness. Sean could read both anger and hunger in Kelton’s expression, and he knew with complete certainty that the feelings he was seeing in Kelton’s eyes were more than just reflections of those in his own. The tense, electric moment stretched between them until a sharp sound broke the intensity. Sean jumped and Kelton immediately stepped away from him and flipped open his phone, barking _”What?”_

Released from the taut moment Sean shook his head as if to clear thoughts. _Had Kelton really been about to kiss him?_ He tried to get his head around the idea. It seemed improbable, even crazy, and yet at the same time Sean was sure it had almost happened in the same way he now felt sure that he hadn’t been getting the signals wrong, and that Kelton was feeling this same crazy attraction as he was. Kelton, the straight-married-cop had been at the very least _thinking_ about kissing him.

Need and uncertainty clashed inside Sean as everything he thought he knew became suddenly untrue. He took a backwards step as if to distance himself from the man who, at every encounter, seemed to send his life spinning out of his control. Learning to maintain control had been Sean’s focus ever since that nearly-fatal day at Rivervale high and he didn’t know how to deal with what was happening to him when he was around Kelton. Kelton’s head came up and their eyes locked while he continued speaking into his phone. Kelton made a gesture that told Sean that he wanted him to stay but Sean found himself slowly shaking his head and backing another step. Turning away. Walking away. He needed to get the fuck out of there, _now._

 _Kelton had almost fucking kissed him._


	4. Chapter 4

A little bleary-eyed, Sean slowly powered down his old dinosaur of a computer. He’d been using the tired, cranky thing ever since the F.B.I. had decided to hold his laptop for ransom. He glanced at the clock when he heard the buzz-up from the street. 10:30, the clock said, so instead of crawling into bed as he had intended instead Sean crossed to the intercom wondering which of his neighbors had misplaced their key.

“Yeah?”

“It’s Graham Kelton. Sean? Can I come up?” came the soft voice through the tinny speaker. Startled, Sean was silent for a moment before Kelton prompted. “Sean?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Come up. Apartment 4C.” He hit the button to release the building’s street door. He pressed his lips together and dragged a hand through his hair, his heart skipping a beat. Kelton. Here. He reached for his jeans and was zipping them closed when the tap came on his door. He took in a long breath, as if unconsciously preparing himself to face the man. He hadn’t seen Kelton since that night outside the club when he thought they were about to kiss, and had done his best not to think about him – or that – either.

Kelton’s rap came on his door. “You got my laptop?” Sean greeted, opening the door of his tiny apartment only partway and peering out at Kelton standing in the hallway.

Kelton’s smile flashed at what was becoming a running joke between them. “No. But I’d appreciate it if you let me in anyway.”

“Well, I guess,” Sean sighed as if reluctant. Truthfully, he did feel a little awkward as he let Kelton into his apartment and wondered what the man could want. He’d been trying not to think about Kelton and he thought he’d succeeded, but every time he saw Kelton again Sean was only too conscious that his desire for the man hadn’t abated one little bit.

“Sorry. I didn’t think about how late it was,” the F.B.I. agent apologized as he sent a glance around Sean’s living room and through the open door of the bedroom where the bed looked rumpled and ready for sleep.

“No problem,” Sean said almost automatically, jamming his fists into the pockets of his jeans. “Can I, uh, get you anything?”

“A beer would be great, if you don’t mind,” Kelton requested. He watched Sean as he went into the kitchenette to retrieve a beer and his eyes reflected a need that would have surprised the younger man if he’d seen it; but by the time Sean turned to hand Kelton the drink the agent wasn’t even looking at him.

In the half minute Sean had been turned away Kelton had shrugged out of his jacket and sat down on the sofa. Kelton’s fingers went to his tie and Sean sank into a chair opposite; trying not to watch as Kelton took off his tie, undid the top buttons of his shirt and then his cuffs before picking up the beer and taking a long swallow. “Thanks,” he said in his quiet, serious voice. “It’s been a fucking shithole of a day. Fuck. But then they’re all like this, lately.”

“No leads, then?” Sean asked. He figured that Kelton had something to ask him about the case because in spite of the intimate moment of connection the other night Sean wasn’t sure Kelton would want anything else from him but to discuss the investigation. “Where are you from, anyway?” he found himself impulsively asking.

“Atlanta,” Kelton supplied, revealing the source of the subtle accent that at times slipped into his speech. “That’s where I’m currently based out of, but I’ve been handling a lot of cases lately involving missing teens which is why they called me in on this one.”

“Is that where your wife is?” Sean found himself asking with reluctant curiosity. He watched as Kelton looked away. He took another swig of beer before turning back and meeting Sean’s eyes.

“Yes. And our daughter. Inez. She’s a – great kid,” he said with a smile that was a mainly a reflection of something inward. “My little girl is the love of my life, actually. And to answer your question, yes, there is a lead, and I thought I’d let you know. That poster you had a feeling about. Turns out he may be of…interest to the case.”

“What the fuck does that mean in non-F.B.I-speak?” Sean asked, and was surprised to get a chuckle out of Agent Kelton who rarely broke out of his serious demeanor. But fuck, Sean hoped he wouldn’t do it again because the soft sound stroked along his nerve endings and had him shifting in his seat at the sudden feeling of pressure and heat in his groin.

“It means that we traced the IP and we were able to link it to the case of the other missing boy. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to match the IP to a suspect because of its location. We’ve been monitoring the college where the contact is coming from but it takes a while to run down all the potentials.” He frowned, as if thinking. “There is one individual we’ve seen there as well at another public access site where your website has been accessed. We’d like to be able to identify him. We know he’s local and we think he’s also been seen in Boystown but so far we haven't been able to track him down. In fact it would help if-“

Kelton broke off abruptly, his eyes intent on Sean’s face. Puzzled, Sean stared back. He had the feeling that wheels were turning somewhat rapidly and dramatically in Kelton’s head.

“What?” Sean finally prompted as the silence lengthened.

“I was going to say it would help if we had someone who could make contact with him, someone who could be, well, _bait._ But he likes them young, like I told you. I doubt we’d find a field agent who would work. We’d need a kid – which is out of the question.” His eyes remained intense on Sean’s face. “Or someone older, who still could pass for sixteen.”

It took several seconds of silence for the light bulb to go off in Sean’s brain. “You can’t mean me!” he exclaimed his voice pitching higher. “Come on, I don’t look like a fucking sixteen-year-old!”

“Actually, at times you kind of do,” Kelton smiled eyeing the shower-slicked hair and pale, unlined face in front of him, unable to resist adding the joke, “Not when you’re wearing eyeliner of course…”

“You’re crazy, Kelton.” Sean dismissed.

“I don’t think I am,” Kelton observed thoughtfully. “Actually sixteen is a little old for this creep, but you just might be able to pull it off.” He moistened his lips and tapped a finger against them, eyes narrowing. Sean wished that Kelton would stop staring at him like that. It was adding even further to the heaviness of his groin and if the man didn’t stop pretty soon there’d be no way for Sean to hide the reaction. In the meantime he hoped the soft lighting hid the telltale flush on his cheeks.

“If we could get a name or his cell phone number that might lead us to where Jeremy is. And if you could help…”

“I don’t look sixteen,” Sean insisted again, making Kelton smile once more.

“What, the tough ex-con objects to his pretty-boy looks?” Kelton almost shocked Sean with the rough-edged tease.

“Fuck you, Kelton!” Sean snapped, stung, but not sure by which label, _ex-con_ or _pretty-boy,_ by this straight cop he had the unwilling hots for. And a cop who might be playing some nasty sexual games with him, as well. He jumped to his feet. Kelton stood up as well and in the narrow space they were suddenly disturbingly close.

Kelton spoke in a voice so low and hoarse Sean was sure he wasn’t hearing properly. “I’d like to, Sean. I’d really, really like to fuck you.”

Sean’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He managed to say, “What--?” But that was as far as he got because a second later Kelton’s mouth was on his and he was kissing him, hard and deep. For a stunned instant Sean stood frozen in the circle of Kelton’s arms, his whole world spinning out of control just as it had the other night. He made a jerky effort to free himself that went nowhere against the strong arms wrapping him close. And then it was too late and with a moan Sean was kissing Kelton back with unleashed and desperate hunger.

He couldn’t believe it; he really couldn’t believe it was even happening and yet Sean couldn’t resist drowning in the moment he thought would never come. _Straight-cop-married_ became irrelevant as his mouth opened and Kelton’s tongue traced a line against the edge of his teeth. Sean moaned, wrapping his arms around the man, straining close, feeling the ridge of Kelton’s erection pressing against his abdomen.

“Kelton!” Sean gasped his name, jerking his head back when they had to take a moment to breathe.

“Gray,” Kelton whispered, his mouth red and tender as it sought after Sean’s.

“Kelton,” Sean repeated with a sort of bemused stubbornness. His eyes searched Kelton’s face. “What…how can...?”

“Please, Sean,” Kelton whispered. He pressed a gentle kiss to Sean’s receptive mouth while his hand followed a trail down Sean’s back to cup over his ass and snug him close and tight. “Please. I know it’s a lot to ask, but could the questions wait?” His look was full of hunger and heat at the same time his lips twisted into a semi-smile. “Oh god, I think I’ve wanted this since the minute I saw you glaring at me and wanting to kick my ass out of your store.” He kissed Sean again, hard, his tongue plunging into the younger man’s mouth to twine around his. “I want you so much. Please…please…”

The kiss was long and desperate but when it at last ended Sean was able to breathe, "Yeah. They can wait.”

They stumbled into the bedroom, hands yanking impatiently at buttons and zips. Naked, Sean lay down on the bed, the room darkened but for the strip of light coming in from the living room. It fell across his body, illuminating him from chest to groin as he lay back, breathing heavily as he waited for Kelton to finish undressing. He felt almost…dazzled by how beautiful Graham Kelton’s lean strong body was, and by the dark flush of his erection as it sprang free when Kelton peeled away his briefs.

“Condom? Lube?” Kelton’s voice was hoarse. Sean leaned over to open the drawer of the bedside table though it was Kelton whose fingers found what they needed.

Kelton knelt next to Sean on the bed. He traced a hand down the center of Sean’s chest to close his fingers around his cock, forming a tight, hot ring. “You’re fucking beautiful, Sean,” he said in that same hoarse voice. And even though Sean knew his too-pale, lightly muscled physique was anything but beautiful, especially when compared to this man’s, he couldn’t help smiling a little. Questions bubbled to his lips again but he pushed them back. He needed this too badly to risk losing it by asking or saying the wrong thing.

“I want you so much,” Sean whispered instead. His voice held an ache of longing in it. “So fucking much.” His fingers reached for Kelton.

Kelton knocked Sean’s hand away almost roughly, wrapping tightly around the wrist and sealing it against the mattress. He loomed over Sean on the bed. “You touch me there and I’ll be shooting off half-cocked,” he admitted shakily. “I’ve been needing this for far too long, Sean.” He lowered his head and slanted a kiss against that wide mouth that he’d wanted to taste since the first moment he saw it.

For another minute blindly desperate kisses were enough, but only for a moment as their lower bodies ground against one another’s, moving in a raw, primitive rhythm. With an effort Kelton pulled away. He ripped open the condom packet with fingers that shook, rolling it on before grabbing the lube. Sean made an indescribable sound as Kelton’s finger penetrated him, prepping him with one, then two fingers.

It was Sean’s turn to grab a wrist and their eyes met in the semi-darkness. “Now, please, now. Fuck me,” Sean raggedly spoke. “Now.”

When Kelton came inside the sound Sean made was soft and not due to any pain, but only because it seemed the impossible was happening. He had thought there was no hope of ever being with this man and yet they were coming together as intimately as two human beings could. His knees and thighs were bent and folded up as Kelton slowly but steadily pushed inside. They kissed again, searing and rough when Kelton stilled for a moment, simply holding himself inside of Sean.

“Sean,” Kelton moaned, “Seanie…” as he began to move with irresistible purpose. One hand he braced on the mattress, the other he wrapped around Sean’s cock, stroking in time with his thrusts. Likewise Sean joined a hand over Kelton’s while the other reached up to curl around the nape of his neck and pull him close for another frantic series of kisses. As the rhythm  
of his thrusts changed Kelton’s hand fell away from Sean’s dick, his hips moving urgently while Sean continued to work himself.

The intensity they were feeling made it impossible for either of them to last long. Kelton came first with a hoarse shout, hips pistoning forward as his balls tightened and a warm rush of fluid filled the end of the condom. Sean’s similar cry came just as Kelton slid free of his body and it brought Kelton’s hand back to finish working him through the orgasm.

They collapsed as if boneless, as if mindless. Kelton didn’t rouse until he felt Sean sit up and remove the condom from him, raising heavy eyelids to watch the man tie it off. Sean used his discarded tee to swipe at the come clinging to his belly before Kelton couldn’t stand the separation any longer and tugged Sean down to lie against his chest. After another minute he broke the silence.

“You called me Gray.”

“Did I?”

“When you came,” Kelton said and there was a whimsical overtone to his voice. “I heard you.”

“Did you call me _Seanie?”_ Sean asked, his expressive voice rising into a higher register in the way it did whenever he was passionate or surprised about something. Hearing it, Kelton grinned.

“I’m sure I didn’t,” he said but couldn’t keep a straight face as they grinned at each other. Slowly, with deep hunger, they kissed again. Sean gripped his hands tight over the man who’d just fucked him so thoroughly. They lay together for a long while before Kelton again was the one to break the silence. His voice was very quiet in the darkness. “You were right when you told me that I didn’t know what it was like to be called queer in high school and be harassed by the jocks,” Kelton started giving his answers in a place Sean hadn’t quite expected. “And that’s because I hid what I was so well that not a soul suspected.”

“You knew…even then?”

“Sean…we always ‘know’, don’t we?” Kelton answered the question with his own. Then he sighed. “Yes, I knew. I came…out…in college, you could say. I suppose I straddled the line between both worlds for a while, but deep down I knew I was gay.”

“You’re in the fucking F.B.I.,” Sean pointed out.

“As long as it wasn’t a security issue it was never an issue at all, surprisingly.”

“Then how…?” Sean couldn’t help asking, touching a finger to the gold wedding ring Kelton wore.

Kelton had to look away from Sean’s face for a moment, and those pale blue eyes that even through the muted light seemed to be able to see far more than they should.

“It’s hard to explain…and easy, too. Too much booze one night. Trying to give comfort to someone I cared about and soothe a hurt she was dealing with. Things happened too fast and went too far. And…then…” He gave a deep sigh. “…a baby on the way. I wanted to do the right thing. So we got married.”

A grin twitched the corner of Sean’s mouth, even if it was an ironic sort of motion. “The right thing to do for a straight-up kind of guy, Kelton?”

Kelton squeezed a broad hand over Sean’s impudent ass. “Even for a straight-up guy with a queer kink,” he confirmed. “We’ve tried to make it work for Inez. She’s so special. So loving. She brings so much joy to both our lives, but…” He bit his lip then looked at Sean, completely changing the subject. “You got any cigarettes?”

Sean gave a grin. Getting up he retrieved a pack from his dresser, handing it to Kelton with a lighter before stretching out next to him, his head propped up in his hand as he studied the man’s face as he lit a cigarette, then another, handing the first one to Sean.

“Is it working?” Sean asked quietly.

Kelton shrugged, blowing out a long stream of gray smoke. “We’ve both tried, and Ava knew before we even married how I was.” He looked at Sean. “You’re my first lover in three years, Sean. Three years I made it before I saw you. And then it was all over in an instant. I couldn’t get you out of my head. And believe me, I fucking tried.”

“Tell me about it,” Sean huffed on a breathy laugh. “Think I wanted to fall for a straight married cop any more than you did for an ex-con?”

“I suppose there is that between us, too,” Kelton said sounding almost surprised, as if Sean were reminding him of something he’d forgotten. He tapped ash into the shallow tray he’d pulled off the nightstand. “Although I don’t define you by that, whether you believe me or not.”

“You can’t deny it happened any more than I can,” Sean said quietly. “I was a crazy fucked up mess of a kid who brought a gun to a school and intended to use it – on them and on myself.”

“Tell me,” Kelton said, and listened without saying a word as Sean related the story of being so lost and alone that wrong seemed right and violence the only way to end the pain; of being abused and then abandoned by his father; of being blamed for that and every other ill in her life by his mother. And that was all before attending the nightmare high school where hazing was practiced like a sadistic art.

“Sean, I’m sure there will always be people who think you got off lighter than you should have, sentence-wise. The potential for tragedy was – huge. There’s no denying it. But if you ask me, for once the system got it right. You got help and treatment first, and then you paid for what you’d done.” Kelton put a hand to Sean’s chin to tilt his head and their eyes met. “It’s over Sean. I can let it be, and so should you.”

Sean shook his head as if puzzled by something. "Gray,” he said softly, using the name as if experimentally.

“Yeah?” Kelton said with a quirk of a brow and one corner of his mouth.

“You’re fairly fucking amazing, you know that?”

Kelton smiled slowly. “Ditto, Sean.”

“And I hope to fuck you don’t really think I kind of look sixteen.”

Kelton laughed, his eyes flowing over the pale gleam of taut skin gold dusted with hair. It was a look that started out assessingly and ended hungrily. “With a little cosmetic help I think you could pass, Sean.”

“D’you think it could really help the case?”

“I think it could, yeah. It’s worth a shot, anyway.”

Sean was silent for a moment. He stubbed out his cigarette and lay his head down on Kelton’s chest. Kelton’s arm curved around him and Sean thought that he’d never felt so, well, safe, before, in his entire life. And that feeling had nothing to do with the badge in the man’s jacket pocket and everything to do with what they had just shared.

“Then we should think about it. Doing it.” Sean’s eyes drowsed down, feeling suddenly weighted with sleep.

Likewise, Kelton felt lassitude stealing over him. He wanted nothing more than to sleep with this man all night. He had the feeling it would be the best night of sleep he’d had in weeks and weeks. “Yeah,” he agreed fading into sleep. “Maybe we should.”


	5. Chapter 5

The next Friday night found Sean peering at his face in a large mirror once the make-up artist Kelton has asked to work on him finished doing up his face. It felt funny wearing the thick layer of cosmetics on his skin, and yet when he looked at himself he was amazed at the difference he could see. He did look six years younger than he was.

“Oh, fuck, I do look sixteen. How embarrassing is that. Shit.”

Standing behind his chair Kelton laughed softly. His eyes met Sean’s in the mirror. It was an indulgent look only the two of them shared. “It will wash off.”

“Thank god.” He stood up, shaking and twisting his body as if trying to get comfortable. The tight t-shirt and khakis weren’t like his normal clothing, either, but they added to the illusion Kelton wanted him to present.

Kelton, Sean knew, had gone through a lot to make this happen. And Sean also knew Kelton well enough by now to know that the man was having second and third thoughts about the idea, too. Hell, Sean wasn’t even sure, himself, if he had the ability to pull this off and help find the guy who had so successfully eluded any trace that Kelton’s team had tried to put on him. But what Sean did know was that he wanted to try, and not least of all because of what it would mean to Kelton to solve this case.

“Don’t do any more than I’ve told you to do,” Kelton stressed for what seemed like the thousandth time to Sean as they neared their destination. During the drive to North Halsted Street Kelton drilled Sean over the scenario and Sean had studied the picture he’d been given until he was sure he’d recognize the man Kelton was after. Looking up, Sean watched as Kelton shook his head. “My boss will have my balls if anything goes wrong. This guy could be dangerous and I might not be close enough to get to you if things go bad. You’re after his name and his cell phone number if you can get it and that’s all.”

“No accepting candy from strangers?”

“It’s no joke, Sean,” Kelton frowned, not amused.

Sean looked at Kelton as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Kelton? Remember me? I’ve been on the inside, remember. I fucking know how to take care of myself.”

“Things can happen,” Kelton clipped out, as if he didn’t want to even think about how, after his release from juvenile detention, nineteen-year-old Sean had survived in prison. “I’ve got surveillance ready to try again to track the guy, so you just fucking stick to the game plan, clear?”

“I don’t plan on playing hero, if that’s what you mean.” Not that anyone would ever expect _that_ from him, Sean thought with a flash of cynical honesty. Not even, he was sure, Kelton.

“Good.” Kelton said, as if not hearing that slightly bitter note in the tenor of Sean’s voice. He took a hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it over Sean’s knee and spared his eyes from the road to look for a moment into Sean’s eyes. “I don’t want anything happening to you.”

To Sean, the look they then shared seemed hot enough to light up the night and it certainly had the power to send a pulse through his body, one that was becoming familiar and maybe even more than that. It was a feeling that was both strong and needy. He and Kelton had fucked _(or had it been more than that…?)_ half a dozen times since the first night they were together but for Sean it didn’t feel like it was near enough. Sean was scared it might never be enough for him, and then what would happen? Kelton still had a wife and child he cared about, and what was he except for some pretty-boy-candy when compared to them?

“Gray,” Sean said, looking down. He couldn’t meet Kelton’s eyes. “You – “ He swallowed past the tightness binding his throat. “You - matter, you know.”

Kelton was silent for a heartbeat before answering with equal intensity, “You matter to me so much, Sean.”

The silence that came between them lasted for half a minute before Sean broke it. “Even if I _still_ fucking don’t have my laptop back.”

Kelton laughed, grateful that Sean knew how and when to break the tension. The future that loomed ahead seemed stacked against them with insurmountable odds, but now wasn’t the moment they could worry about it.

“You’ll get it back soon,” he promised Sean the laptop, knowing Sean wasn’t buying it even as he said it.

Once Kelton dropped Sean off in the midst of the busy social scene locating the target _(fuck, I’m starting to sound F.B.I.)_ happened surprisingly fast for Sean. As Sean looked at the man he decided that the guy looked average, ordinary; nothing at all like the sexual predator Kelton had begun to believe he was. He was younger than Sean had expected him to be, too, but he was still certain it was the guy in Kelton’s picture. Sean knew that attracting his attention without arousing his suspicions was the hard part and he hesitated, biting his lower lip while considering the best way to play out one of the scenarios he’d been given by Kelton. But then fate intervened when Sean was grabbed from behind. He made an audible sound of surprise and tried to pull away from the strong arm that was wrapping him close.

“Hey, baby, wanna party?” the guy slurred drunkenly in Sean’s ear while groping his ass.

“No, thanks,” Sean said, pushing away, but he didn’t get very far. The guy was big and burly and held on easily and tightly.

“Oh come on, let’s party,” The guy tried to plant a sloppy kiss on Sean and the smaller man reared back, making a sharp move that was unexpected enough to break the drunk’s hold on him. Sean hadn’t lied to Kelton; he _did_ know how to take care of himself.

“Fuck off!” Sean snarled loudly and stalked off.

Half a block away he paused to light up a cigarette, the deep breaths taken on the cig calming him down some. And then he started calling himself ten kinds of fool as he realized that he had been distracted from his purpose. Resignedly, he prepared to go back and fix his fuck-up by, he hoped, finding the guy he was supposed to be stalking.

“You okay?”

Sean’s head shot up at the soft question. And there he was. Him. Sean’s hand shook as he took the cigarette out of his mouth. The trembling in his hand didn’t have anything to do with the burly drunk, but the man who stood beside him with an expression of sympathy didn’t know that.

“I saw what happened with that guy and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Sean blew out a stream of smoke, his movements visibly jumpy. “Uhm, yeah. I mean I am, thanks,” he stammered, off guard. His brain scrambled to recover and remember what Kelton had told him to say to the guy. “I mean, I’m kind of new around here and it’s, well…”

“A little overwhelming?” the guy suggested, all sympathetic smiles. “I remember how it can be when you’re on your own for the first time.”

“Dude, tell me about it. But I’m good. I’m not a kid, I’m sixteen,” Sean said gruffly, finding it easier than he expected to summon that tough-guy persona he’d inhabited growing up as a scared kid. He wrapped it around himself now like a once-familiar cloak.

“Sure,” the guy nodded quickly. “I can see you can take care of yourself. But sometimes it’s good to have some help, you know?” he suggested. His eyes slid over Sean, quick and avaricious for a moment before the look was gone. “I’m Steve.”

“Sean,” Sean said, holding out his hand with reluctance he hoped didn’t show when the guy offered his smooth, warm palm.

“Where are you from, Sean?”

“Rockford,” Sean supplied. “I hitched in yesterday. I was supposed to find a friend but so far I – I mean, I’m sure I’ll find him…” He let his eyes scan the bright colorful street as if looking for his non-existent friend. “This place is just so…” he shook his head and made himself look at Steve, hoping he was pulling off the wide-eyed gay-boy-ingénue role he was trying to play.

The guy calling himself Steve smiled and nodded. “It’s pretty crazy, isn’t it?” The guy said to Sean as if he were some naïve twink fresh from the ‘burbs. “I understand that, too. You want to go have a drink? Just to calm down? And we could talk.”

“I’m too young – they won’t let me in,” Sean said, biting his lip. He felt a strange mix of distaste and intrigue as he played out his role. He wondered where Kelton was but didn’t dare take his eyes off the guy named Steve. Sean was getting a strange vibe from the guy mostly from the way his eyes moved over Sean and from the way he stood just a little too close. While Sean knew that Kelton’s team was mainly acting on a hunch and had no solid evidence that this was the person who might lead them to the missing boy, as he talked to the guy Sean thought that maybe Kelton’s hunch was a good one. He had a gut feeling that having a drink with a guy like the one in front of him would more than likely include a roofie slipped into his drink, and he wondered how many stupid kids were naïve enough to fall for his sympathetic line.

“I know a place we can go,” the guy continued to smile. “Honest, it will be okay.”

“I don’t know….” Sean still hesitated. “I mean thanks, but…my friend said…”

The guy shrugged, very low-key. He had his no-pressure act down very well indeed. “Well, all right. Be seeing you, then.” He turned and took a few steps.

“Hey, wait!” Sean called. He was sure the guy expected it, too, by the way he turned so quickly back. Sean walked up to the man reaching in his pocket while trying for a quick, apprehensive smile. “Maybe you could, like, give me your number and I could call you if I can’t find my friend? Or something? Maybe later?”

“Sure,” the guy calling himself Steve said with an easy smile as Sean pulled out his cell phone and efficiently programmed in the numbers the man recited. “And yours is…?”

Sean gave out his number. _I’ll be changing it one way or another, that’s certain,_ Sean thought to himself. He tried for a quick smile. “I’ll call you? Later?” Sean suggested making sure to give the guy a smile which earned him one in return.

“You do that Sean. I’ll talk to you later.”

Sean expelled the breath he was holding once the guy was gone, lost quickly in the crowded street. He hadn’t even realized how tense he had become until the adrenaline started to fade. Surprised to find himself feeling the effects of the encounter he stepped back against a store front to lean his butt against it and catch his breath and come down from the buzz he was feeling.

“You okay?”

Sean looked up as Kelton grabbed his arm, coming in close. He was out of his suit for once, dressed to blend in with the crowd wearing a black shirt and jeans. He looked so fucking hot, Sean thought helplessly, as he looked up into the face that was becoming so familiar to him.

“Yeah. I’m fine. It wasn’t-“

“Not here,” Kelton interrupted and dragged Sean by the arm down the block until they could duck into a narrow side alley.

Sean held out his cell phone. “He called himself Steve. Here’s his number.”

“God. That’s fantastic,” Kelton said, taking the cell from Sean and quickly scanned the number.

“I can’t wait to get rid of that number,” Sean shook his head

“You can’t get rid of the number, not right away,” Kelton quickly vetoed. “If he calls you we’ll need to know about it.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Sean agreed reluctantly. “That guy…I don’t know what you’re gonna find out about him when you start looking, but he’s one creepy dude.”

“If he does call you can put him off. You won’t be seeing him again.” Studying Sean, Kelton put his hand on the younger man’s neck, “This might mean we finally catch our break with this case. Thanks to you, Sean.”

Sean shrugged his shoulders and gave Kelton a crooked smile. “I hope it gets you what you need.”

As if he couldn’t stop himself Kelton bent his head and found Sean’s mouth in the semi-darkness of the alley. And that was all it took for Sean’s adrenaline-fueled tension to erupt into something hot and unstoppable the moment their lips met. He kissed Kelton back urgently, seized by desire. He twisted his body around until it was Kelton whose back was to the wall and then Sean was sinking to his knees his hands yanking at the fly of Kelton’s jeans.

“Sean – fuck! You can’t-!” Kelton ground out, looking up. They were barely out of sight. Any passerby could look into the shadow and see what was happening. His hand wove into the rich strands of dark honey hair but even he wasn’t sure if he was tugging Sean away or pulling him closer.

Sean’s even teeth gleamed in a smile as he looked up at Kelton. He had Kelton’s fly open, unsurprised to find his cock semi-hard as he eased it into his hand. “What, afraid of what happens to your reputation if you’re seen getting blown in public?” he questioned with laughter in his voice. Then he put his mouth to much better use.

“Fuck!” Kelton hissed again and there was no question his hand on the back of Sean’s head was urging the man closer as he felt his cock slide into the warm tight ring Sean formed with his mouth. It felt better than good. He groaned. “Shit, I’ve got a surveillance team in the area-“

Sean looked up, drawing his mouth away from Kelton’s spit-glistened cock, but only for a moment. “That’s what makes it so fucking hot…anybody could see us…anybody…” It had been a long time Sean had taken any risks at all. Since getting out of prison he had deliberately structured his life not to, and now, feeling the familiar and seductive thrill of taking chances in life, he realized how much he’d missed it without consciously even realizing it. And there was no stopping it. He wanted more. He wanted Kelton and all that Kelton made him feel.

Sean took in the heat and taste and scent of Kelton, tonguing the slit, licking along the underside as he used a hand to cradle and cup Kelton’s balls. It was a taste, Sean thought, that was already becoming familiar to him. When he heard Kelton swear again and then moan he only smiled and licked him with a sure steady tongue. The hand kneading the back of his head became slow and strong when Sean drew Kelton’s cock deeper into his mouth, beginning a wet friction around the hardening flesh.

“Sean, Sean…oh fuck, Sean,” Kelton said knowing there was no way in hell he could stop what was happening even if every person on the street stopped to watch the show in the alleyway. He looked down at the golden head, bobbing forwards and back, each movement seeming to suck him slowly deeper, inch by inch, into that wide, beautiful mouth of Sean’s until his dick was encased in by the warm pressure. He kept his hips still with effort, resisting the effort to fuck himself with Sean’s mouth, letting his lover set the pace.

It didn’t take long before the cues from Kelton’s body had Sean relaxing and opening his throat, working Kelton harder, bringing him to a groaning climax as Kelton couldn’t stop himself from jerking his hips irresistibly forward and he came, coating the back of Sean’s throat with warm thick spurts of come.

Sean was gasping for breath when Kelton finished with a final shuddering jerk. A moment later he came to his feet when Kelton twined his fist into his tee. Tugged upward and against Kelton, Sean shared the taste of sex in a long searing kiss. Breaking off, Kelton kept Sean wrapped close against his body, their foreheads touching as he came down from his high.

“God, Seanie, the things you do to me…”

Sean’s smile was rather smug in return. “Just doing my part as a concerned citizen supporting the efforts of the F.B.I. here in the Windy City.”

That made Kelton laugh. “Citizens concerned for my cock? That’s a new one.”

“You know there’s always another new civic organization starting up. The triple ‘C’, I could call it.”

Kelton sighed, smiling, reluctantly letting Sean go so he could tuck himself back into his jeans. His phone hummed and he grabbed for it at once. “Kelton.” And then “You _what?_ ”

Pressing his lips together to keep from grinning at the look of chagrin Kelton had on his face Sean finished running up the zip of Kelton’s trousers, making sure to drag his knuckles upwards as well, watching the subtle wince on Kelton’s face at the touch on his still-sensitive parts. It was nearly a glare, but it brought Kelton’s eyes back to him. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He ended the call and gave Sean a mixed look. “The team wanted to know my current position.”

Sean started laughing. “Good thing they didn’t ask that five minutes ago.”

Kelton laughed reluctantly with Sean, shaking his head. “Oh, god, don’t even say that. Explaining why I’m getting blown on the job…?”

“Don’t think they’d buy the idea that you were just blending in with the social scene, Kelton?” Sean chuckled wickedly.

Shaking his head Kelton leaned forward and kissed Sean slowly and as he drew away his look was regretful. “I need to take you home now and then get this number to the team so we can get started.”

“I understand,” Sean nodded, and he did. He was surprised, though, that Kelton kept his arm wrapped around his shoulder as they emerged from the alley and started walking back to his car. Apparently Kelton didn’t care who saw them together and that gave Sean a feeling of undeniable pleasure. It was a tiny gesture, perhaps, but one that meant a lot to Sean nonetheless.

At the car Sean waited while Kelton made another call to his team and spoke with them briefly before they pulled out into traffic and towards Sean’s place. On the way to Sean’s Kelton was in full F.B.I. mode, drilling Sean for every detail of his encounter with the man; every word, every gesture; every impression Sean had gained in the brief moments.

“Here,” Sean said, slipping the spare key he’d added to his ring before leaving his apartment that evening. He held it out to Kelton as the car drew up and stopped in front of Sean’s apartment building. “Come by when you can.”

“I’ll probably be at this all night,” Kelton said knowing that a long night’s work stretched ahead.

“Whenever,” Sean nodded.

“Sean. Thank you,” Kelton said with serious eyes.

Sean returned the look but added a trace of a smile. “Any time, Kelton.”

Kelton released his seatbelt so he could lean over and kiss Sean. Drawing back, he studied Sean’s face, pale skin highlighted by the yellow wash of a streetlight. As if he couldn’t help himself he said _Sean_ again, his voice cracking on the word before he pulled Sean close and kissed him. Sean returned Kelton’s long, slow kiss with the same mix of passion and tenderness, sinking into the sensations. For at least a moment the rest of the world spun away but eventually they drew apart. Kelton’s face was quiet, almost brooding, as Sean got out of the car.

Sean stood and watched as Kelton pulled the car smoothly away from the curb. His look turned as pensive as Kelton’s had been. “Christ, Gray,” Sean whispered to himself. “What the fuck are we going to do about this?”


	6. Chapter 6

“Kelton?” Sean connected the call as soon as he picked his cell phone up and saw the display.

“We’ve got him.”

 _“What?”_

“We’ve found Jeremy Welles. He’s okay. Shaken and scared, but okay. He’s been through some serious shit, but at least he’s alive.”

“God, that’s great news,” Sean breathed. He’d only seen Kelton twice in the last five days, though they’d talked on the phone several times. The man was practically eating and sleeping at the Bureau’s headquarters since he’d obtained the lead Sean helped supply.

“Thanks to you.” Sean heard the murmur of voices in the background. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Can I come by tonight?”

“Use your key,” Sean invited lightly. “And bring my fucking laptop with you.”

He heard a smile in Kelton’s voice when he answered the suggestion. “Yeah. I’ll do that. See you later.”

Then he was gone and, smiling, Sean disconnected the call. With a sigh he set down the phone on the store’s check-out counter. He was glad they’d found Jeremy. That was the most important thing. But, he thought, smile fading, it also meant that now that the case was over that Graham would be leaving Chicago and Sean couldn’t deny the sense of…loss that idea gave him. He didn’t even want to think about the hole he would have in his life once Kelton went back to Atlanta. In a few short weeks Kelton had changed his life, Sean acknowledged. Kelton had made him realize just how isolated his life had become, and how in living like that he had been denying a part of himself. He knew he would always be grateful to Gray for opening his eyes to that.

In spite of a stream of customers, the rest of his afternoon dragged by at the store. After Sean closed the shop he headed directly home although, knowing Kelton, the man wasn’t likely to turn up until much later. Sean wasn’t surprised that it was after ten before he heard the key turning in the lock.

“Hey,” Sean greeted, looking up from the television where he’d been passing the time by idly flipping channels, unable to settle on anything.

“Hey,” Kelton smiled tiredly, dropping his overnight bag. He crossed to the couch and sat down next to Sean, tugging him close and kissing him hungrily. Sean let himself to drown in the haze of desire he had for this man for several long moments.

“You look like shit,” he couldn’t help observing bluntly when Kelton drew away and rested his head on the back of the couch with a tired sigh. Sean traced gentle fingertips over Kelton’s face.

“I feel like shit. It’s been a helluva week, all in all,” Kelton admitted. “Not that I’m complaining. For once we get to send a kid home – and not in a body bag. That makes it worth everything.”

“Yeah, I can see how it would,” Sean nodded. He was sure that happy endings were the sad exception and not the norm in a job like Kelton’s. “You want anything?”

“A shower. And maybe a beer.”

“You got it,” Sean said, getting up and retrieving a beer from the fridge. He carried it to the bathroom where Kelton was stripping out of his shirt. He watched him, no less filled with desire than the first time he’d seen him. “I take it my laptop’s not in there.” He nudged Kelton’s duffel with his foot.

Kelton grinned, tilting the bottle back and taking a long swallow. “Sorry, no. But soon.”

“Like waiting for fucking Christmas,” grumbled Sean without heat as Kelton turned on the spray and stepped under, sliding the shower door closed. For a moment Sean was tempted to join him but instead he went back into the bedroom and stretched out on the bed to wait.

Naked and flushed Kelton stepped into the bedroom several moments later. He slid his long body next to Sean’s, pulling him close.

“Congratulations for winning one for the good guys.” Sean kissed his chin.

“Right now it doesn’t look like we’ll be able to charge the guy with kidnapping,” Kelton sighed, pressing his lips across Sean’s temple as he brushed back his hair. “Jeremy insists he traveled here on his own, without help. But we’ve got the bastard cold on statutory rape, child pornography, and a few other charges. And we’ll continue to pursue his connection to the other missing boy.”

“So you’ll be here in Chicago for a while, then?” Sean couldn’t keep the hope from entering his eyes any more than Kelton could keep the truth from filling his.

“No, the local agents will take over from here. I’ll be here the rest of the week and then I’ll be going home.”

“Oh.” Sean looked down and then forced himself to look up and meet Kelton’s eyes. “I understand.”

“Understand?” Kelton repeated. The words came out like they couldn’t be contained. “That it feels like I’m ripping my guts out when I think about leaving you?”

Sean drew in a breath. “You’ve got Inez to think about. And…and Ava…”

“But not Sean?” Kelton questioned, his eyes intently searching Sean’s face. “I don’t have to worry about the person who in the space of weeks has made me feel like no one else ever has?”

“He’s a tough guy. He knows how to survive,” Sean said gruffly, determined not to make it harder on either of them. But almost as if he couldn’t stop himself he seized Kelton around the neck and brought their lips together in a frantic kiss. Thinking of Kelton leaving was like looking at the end of a fragile hope. “Talking about it – it does no good. There’s no fucking point even going there. “He paused, and then added almost helplessly, “Oh, fuck, Gray. I –“

Urgent smothering kisses gave way to the equally urgent melding of their bodies. The initial pace was frantic, fueled by what seemed to both Sean and Kelton the inevitability of the future. Hands groped, mouths bit and flesh was bruised and stung. But as Sean knelt on the bed and Kelton tucked in behind him that suddenly changed. Kelton filled him with a steady surety that had Sean arching his back and reaching back a hand to touch Kelton’s thigh, holding on tight.

“Oh fuck, I love this,” he whispered

Kelton pressed his chest to Sean’s back, licking a trail from between his shoulder blades to his ear. “Do you?” he whispered, worrying the lobe with his teeth. He tangled his hand into Sean’s hair, playing with the strands in the way he always did whenever they fucked. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, any more than he could stop himself from wanting Sean with every part of his being. “Me, too.” Spreading his fingers across Sean’s cheek Kelton tilted the blonde’s head back and up until they could kiss.

“Oh god Gray, that feels so…” Sean pressed back his hips and Kelton rocked into him, filling him with a slow steady surge.

“…Good?” The whisper came from Kelton.

“Incredibly good...” Sean defined. His hand and Kelton’s joined around his cock, working it with slow heat, drawing the minutes out, making them last. _A week, a fucking week, at most –_ Sean shoved the stray thought away, refusing to think about it. Not now when all that mattered was Kelton inside of him and this feeling like they were a part of each other. It wasn’t near enough, but it was all they had. They had to make it be all that it could, for both their sakes.

The sound and the impact of Kelton’s flesh against Sean’s punctuated each moment of their coming together. Kelton was a strong, powerful lover, driving Sean’s body forward with every thrust, and the friction of the smooth sheet against his cheek made Sean’s fingers scrabble for purchase on the sheets. _Incredibly good_ , Sean realized, didn’t even come close to describing the rush of feeling that pounded through his veins every time Kelton’s body impacted with his.

They drew it out as long as they could, opting for the kind of tortuous slowness that would leave them with bruises and aches they could hold onto long after the time came when they couldn’t hold back their bodies. Sean forgot to breath when he came, hard, streaking his belly with ropes of sticky come as he went blind and deaf to the world about him. When awareness seeped back Sean wiped his face free of sweat on the sheet, gasping for breath as Kelton continued to stroke into him hard and fast. But Sean could sense how close his partner was. He somehow found the presence of mind to thrust back and work his muscles, clamping down and then releasing and sending Kelton over the edge and into freefall.

Kelton fell into an exhausted slumber soon after and Sean understood the reason why, although sleep didn’t come to him near as easily. He sat propped against the headboard, smoking and listening to Kelton’s deep, even breathing for a long time before stubbing out the cigarette and sliding down to curl himself possessively around Kelton. He held on, as if for life.

 _Is this what love feels like?_ Sean wondered sleepily to himself for the first time in his life. _Wonder and pain?_

And that was the question that followed him down into dreams.

* * *

“I made a commitment,” Kelton said breaking the morning silence between them. The words were a firm statement as he stared at Sean’s down bent head across from him at the small breakfast table. If Sean had looked up he would have seen how tightly Kelton held his coffee cup.

“Did I ask you to break it?” Sean asked with an edge to his voice as his eyes finally flashed up to meet Kelton’s. He did not want to have this conversation, he really didn’t, and Kelton damn well knew that. They’d agreed last night that talking was pointless. Why couldn’t Kelton just leave it alone?

“No, but—“

Sean breathed in deeply, in and out, and inconsequentially thought about how easily Kelton could rile him. Sean had spent a huge amount of time learning to control the anger that had once motivated his life, but around Kelton it flared out at unexpected times. He was sure his therapist could say plenty about channeling his feelings. “Look, Kelton, I may have only known you three weeks, but I get it. I do. You don’t have to say anything at all.” And Sean really did get it: Kelton was one of those rare guys who actually stood by what he said.

“Then why do I feel like I do, Sean?”

Sean shook his head. “I don’t know, Gray,” he said trying to keep the bleakness out of his eyes, knowing it wouldn’t help either of them. “We’ve got five days, right? Let’s just – live them, you know?”

Kelton rubbed his hands across his face and Sean thought his eyes looked soft and weary when they rested on him. “Okay,” he agreed heavily. More words, they both knew, wouldn’t change a thing. They had five days and all they could do was live them, together.

Five days later, he was gone.

* * *

 _Seven months later_

Sean got up from his dining table when he heard the buzz from the building’s street door on an early Saturday morning. Someone from the F.B.I. had called him the day before to tell him that he was finally, _finally_ going to get his laptop back. They’d had the thing for nearly seven fucking months, a fact which royally ticked him off.

“Delivery from-“

“4C.” Sean cut off the courier and buzzed the guy up. When his apartment bell chimed he yanked open the door. “Christ, it’s about fucking ti—“

Sean’s voice seized up and he stared, open mouthed, at Kelton who was standing in the hallway in front of him holding out the slim black case. _Kelton._ Fucking Kelton!

“I told you I’d bring it back.”

Sean swallowed. He shook his head. He blinked his eyes, but the apparition didn’t go away. It was fucking Kelton standing in front of him looking at him with those beautiful, serious eyes.

“It’s been seven fucking months, Kelton.” It seemed a stupid thing to say to the man who he’d been missing like a part of himself, but it was what came out. And maybe Sean wasn’t talking about the laptop at all, anyway.

“Well, you can tell yourself that thanks to this laptop you helped stop a guy from preying on any more of your boys.” He held out the laptop and Sean took it, setting it down on his desk.

“There have been two upgrades – the thing’s obsolete by now,” he grumbled knowing even as he spoke them his words were meaningless. But there was a buzzing in his ears and he felt kind of lightheaded so he wasn’t sure he was even thinking straight. He walked back to the table and slid onto his chair, looking down at his half-eaten bowl of cereal. “Coffee?” he asked of Kelton.

“I’ll get it.”

After filling a mug and as usual dumping half the sugar bowl in it, Kelton slid into the chair opposite Sean and they studied each other’s faces. It was a silent, hungry moment. And painful, too, for Sean, at least, and he picked up his spoon to finish his breakfast as if he wasn’t exploding inside with questions, as if he wasn’t filled with the need to touch Kelton. He didn’t like seeing the slight shake in his hand, but it was undeniably there.

“I had to tell her.”

Sean looked up from his cereal bowl at Kelton’s quiet statement. He watched as the man sipped from his mug. He was dressed in a suit but no tie, as if he’d just come from his office and not from hundreds of miles away.

“I’ve never lied to her and I couldn’t start. It wasn’t fair to her or to me.”

“Inez,” Sean reminded quietly. He watched Kelton rub a weary hand over his face. He looked more rested than he had the last time Sean had seen him, but there were still circles under his tired eyes.

“Other kids survive divorce. I did. You did.” He paused. “Maybe it isn’t the best thing, and maybe if I hadn’t met you Ava and I could have…struggled along. But now…now it’s all become a lie when it’s you I want in my life.”

“And I want you,” Sean spoke softly, but with intensity. He wrapped his fingers tight around his coffee mug in case they started trembling even more. “But if you’re in Atlanta and I’m here...”

“It would be – easiest - on me if you’d come to Atlanta, Seanie,” Kelton admitted. “Because I could still see Inez if I was there. But if you don’t want to do that then I’ll apply to transfer here to Chicago.”

“You’d do that?” Sean felt like his heart was being squeezed in a vice made up of yearning and desire. After months living in a wasteland he was feeling like this was almost too impossible to be true.

Kelton’s smile was soft, but sure. “Yes. I would.”

“I’ve never been to Atlanta,” Sean said. His mouth turned as wry as was his tone. “I’ve never been fucking anywhere.”

“It’s nice. Warm. No snow. Well, once in a while,” Kelton admitted.

“You’re…sure?” Sean was still afraid to trust in this fragile thing called hope when it had always – _always -_ failed him before. But then, Sean thought, he’d never had Kelton before, reaching out a hand to him.

“I’m sure.”

Sean blinked his eyes, searching Kelton’s face and eyes, searching for the truth behind the softly spoken avowal. It was harder than he expected to find it. Harder, perhaps, because of all the dark places he’d lived in, both inside himself and out in the world.

“And the ex-con thing?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Kelton shook his head, his eyes never leaving Sean’s. “And the cop thing?”

“Doesn’t matter.” It was barely a whisper.

But Kelton heard. "It’ll be hard. I won’t pretend it won’t be.”

“Story of my life,” Sean noted dryly, over the uneven ticking of his heart in his chest.

“Yeah. Mine, too.” Kelton’s mouth twisted. Watching the emotions flicker across Sean’s face he was prepared, now, to throw in the deal-clincher. “Tell you what. I’ll even buy you a fucking new laptop. Deal?” He held out his hand to Sean.

Sean reached out and took the hand in a strong, sure grip – _oh, fuck, for the first time in his life he felt totally sure about something;_ taking the hand but only to drag Kelton half out his chair, shoving the table out of the way and sending cereal bits flying and coffee spilling as he crashed himself against Kelton. He managed to grind out a single word, “Deal,” before they fused together, cop and ex-con, to face what was to come, whatever it would be, together.


End file.
